Gastbeitrag - One Story

You meet a woman. She is hot, smart, fun and independent, she seems to be happy and very upbeat, she likes her job and has a fulfilling, diverse social life. She is pretty cool, you think. And best of all, she is not crazy. She rather seems pretty stable emotionally. You get to know her better and see that your first impression was correct, she is awesome. Too good to be true. Too good for you, you think. But hey, she seems to like you! Everything is looking great, apart from a minor and hopefully temporary detail. She lives far away. You tell her on a daily basis how much she means to you, you just have to, although you are sometimes worried of scaring her away and being too intense. But she doesn’t mind, she seems to enjoy the attention, and occasionally even hints at having feelings for you. You are having great and meaningful conversations on the phone, but mostly just a lot of fun.

After months of pursuing her she finally opens up. She tells you how much you mean to her. She misses you terribly, and she tells you so. She thinks about you all the time, and she tells you so. She sends you a postcard, just because. She DMs you several times per day. First thing in the morning she writes you an email about her dreams. You think it is awesome. Especially when they are dirty. Sometimes, she seems a little unreasonable, but whenever that happens, you can tell that she realizes it. She is honest, she tells you what is on her mind.

You visit her. You two spend a week together and she shows you around. She researched a whole lot of things to do and places to go. You’re having a great time. On your last day with her, she is in low spirits. You understand. You are too.

You chat on the phone whenever you are free. She always has time for you now, because she doesn’t feel like going out much. It’s a phase, she says. On the phone, she sometimes sounds sad without any particular reason. She complains about having to go to some social events when she’d rather stay at home. Very often now, she asks you what you are thinking about. She sometimes thinks you are upset even though you are not. Your tone is off, she says. You feel like your conversations aren’t as fun anymore. Like you are whining more about the long distance situation than enjoying just listening to each other. You think it will be fine once you see each other again. Some days, you don’t feel like talking to her, but that is ok, that is probably normal. And to be honest, you think it quite insane how much time you two have spent on the phone, or writing emails to each other. That had got to stop some day. Also, you find that you are too tired or exhausted on some days to respond to her extensive emails in detail. You just send her a quick note. Sometimes, she seems to be mad at you, and you don’t know why. You ask her about it, but she says she is fine.

You see each other again. She visits you. You want her to finally meet your friends. You go out. She is tired, and she doesn’t say much to your friends during the whole night. The jetlag you think. You ask her what she would like to do. She just wants to hang out at home. That’s fine with you. She looks up things she wants to see in your city, but then she doesn’t feel like going. She seems unhappy, but when you ask her what is wrong she says that everything is ok. She seems very quiet. You don’t know anymore what’s going on in her mind, and you ask her. She doesn’t know, she says. It is too much that is going on in her mind, it is complicated, she says. You think maybe she is tired of you and you leave her alone. She doesn’t want to be left alone, she wants you to cheer her up. You don’t know what to do.

You wonder where that cool woman that you met last year has gone.